


Hiraeth

by mother_m0ss



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A Competent Adult in Hogwarts, Abused Harry Potter, Adopted Harry Potter, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Ancient Runes, Animagus, Azkaban Recovery, BAMF Minerva McGonagall, BAMF Pomona Sprout, Battle of Hogwarts, Blind Character, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Dementors, Disabled Character, Draco Malfoy Redemption, Draco Malfoy is a Little Shit, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sirius Black, Harry Potter Gets a Hug, Harry Potter Gets the Love He Deserves, Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, Hogwarts Professors, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry - Freeform, Huffleupuff Character, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentor Minerva McGonagall, Minerva McGonagall is a Good Friend, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Original Male Character(s) - Freeform, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pomona Sprout is a Good Friend, References to Depression, References to Drugs, Remus Lupin Has a Brother, Remus Lupin Has a Sibling, Remus Lupin Has a Twin, Remus Lupin Speaks Welsh, Remus Lupin is a Good Brother, Remus Lupin is a Good Friend, Second War with Voldemort, Severus Snape Bashing, Severus Snape Being a Bastard, Sirius Black Gets a Trial, Sirius Black Has Issues, Sirius Black Has Nightmares, Sirius Black Has a Boyfriend, Sirius Black Lives, Sirius Black Speaks French, Tags Contain Spoilers, There will probably be more tags later, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Planning, Weddings, Welsh Remus Lupin, Werewolf Remus Lupin, minor albus dumbledore bashing, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29312490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_m0ss/pseuds/mother_m0ss
Summary: Hiraeth - (n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return; the grief for a home of your past.Romulus Lupin can hardly be called a happy man, but he's been doing just fine, thank you very much. Or, he was until Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban. Romulus is sure the fates must hate him.
Relationships: Harry Potter & Original Male Character(s), Lyall Lupin & Original Character(s), Lyall Lupin & Remus Lupin, Minerva McGonagall & Original Male Character(s), Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Remus Lupin & Original Male Character(s), Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Original Male Character(s), minor Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks - Relationship
Kudos: 3





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter or its characters. J.K Rowling can kiss my non-binary ass
> 
> So, uh, I've been planning this fic for a while. It's gonna be a monster and it took me ages to figure out where to start - I think this starting point works, but I'll probably end up doing one shots of the years before this fic once I've finished it anyway.
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy the story of my disaster gays and their family.

At thirty-three years old, Romulus Lupin had felt very little joy in his life. Really, his early life often read like a bad soap opera – he thought so at least. But, with September fast approaching, Romulus finally felt as though things were looking up. His own twin, Remus, was replacing the total prat of a defence teacher that Romulus had been forced to put up with the year prior, little Harry Potter had been sent home, happy and healthy, after a run in with Slytherin’s monster – Romulus had been convinced his heart would give out when he heard about that – and, for the first time in his teaching career, he had finished his own lesson plans well before the new year started. If he’d been a few years younger, Romulus might have rewarded himself with a pint, but Romulus was not a few years younger so, instead, he sat by the fire alone taking careful notes as he read Madame Praeline’s newest paper on the possible applications of ancient runes within potion-making.

Despite his… interest in Praeline’s long-winded and misguided rambling (if Romulus was honest, he only read the things so he could keep up when his own mentor, Magdalena Midvon, wrote to complain), Romulus found his mind wandering to the full moon in three days time. Without consistent access to wolfsbane Remus got sicker with each month that passed; his body was aging prematurely, and it had led to a number of serious complications. Romulus had swallowed his pride and asked Severus Snape, the resident potions master of Hogwarts, for the potion, but the vindictive git always charged more than he knew the Lupins could afford. Romulus sighed heavily and refocussed on his work.

It was precisely because he was so occupied that he was startled when someone knocked on the heavy front door of his home in Somerset. Romulus jumped in his seat, his eyes flickering down the hall towards his brother’s bedroom. Remus had spent all day confined to his bed by nausea, and Romulus had no desire to see him disturbed by their guests. With one hand picking at the jagged scar running across his neck, Romulus heaved himself up from the chintz settee, flicked his wand to send the cloak he’d dropped on the floor earlier to hang on the wall and slowly approached the front door. “Alright! Alright!” he called as whoever it was knocked again. “I’m coming!” They knocked once more, with far more force, and Romulus winced. His hearing had always been rather sensitive in the week leading up to the full moon

Upon reaching it, Romulus flung the front door open with a glare half-formed on his face and promptly gaped. Alastor Moody really hadn’t changed much since Romulus had last seen him in November 1981. Although, part of his nose was now missing and his hand twitched at his side, he still stood with the same confidence as his false eye spun madly in its socket “Lupin,” the old auror growled.  
“Auror Moody,” Romulus replied hesitantly. The young woman that stood beside Moody bounced on the balls of her feet, her hair flashing between dark blue and bubblegum pink. Romulus suddenly recognised her as Nymphadora Tonks a Hufflepuff student who had left Hogwarts three years prior. “Trainee Tonks,” he added with a nod to the woman, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”  
“Alright, Professor?” Tonks said grimly, her usual sunny disposition nowhere to be found. This, Romulus realised, would not be an enjoyable conversation.  
“Let us in, this isn’t a social call,” said Moody, his false eye spinning to look through the back of his head. Romulus frowned and stepped to the side to let the aurors through.  
“I’ll put the kettle on,” he said, waving the aurors through to the living room. “Do me a favour and keep the noise down. Remus is sick again and I’d rather not –“  
“– We’ll need to talk to him too. Handy that he’s here,” Tonks interrupted. Romulus’ breath caught in his throat. This was going to be _really_ bad, he was sure of it. He retreated to the kitchen.

By the time Romulus returned to the living room, with a tray of four steaming mugs bobbing in the air beside him, Remus had emerged from his bedroom and sequestered himself in one of the two threadbare armchairs they owned. He had wrapped his duvet around his shoulders and his hands were shaking in his lap. “Why didn’t you stay in bed?” Romulus asked with an exasperated sigh. Remus turned his pale face to smile weakly at his brother and shrugged.  
“I heard talking.” Remus’ voice was hoarse and quiet. It sounded painful enough that Romulus winced sympathetically. “Sit _down_ , would you? I hate it when you hover over my shoulder.” Romulus rolled his eyes and dropped into the other armchair as Tonks snorted.  
“Didn’t know you had a brother, Professor,” Tonks commented in a poor attempt at stalling. The witch sipped at her tea and grimaced at the heat before placing it gingerly on the old, wooden coffee table.  
“We’re twins actually,” Romulus replied. “He’s older, obviously.” Remus released a long-suffering sigh. Romulus was actually the older of the two, but he had taken to poking fun at Remus’ greying hair. The younger twin allowed it, if only because he missed the sound of his brother’s laughter. Moody huffed and shifted in his seat on the settee.  
“You do remember our job, don’t you, Trainee Tonks?” he grunted. Tonks flushed, her hair turning canary yellow.  
“Sorry, Sir.”  
“Learn from it.” Moody leaned forwards, both eyes trained carefully on Romulus’ face. “There’s been word from Azkaban.” Romulus stiffened, his long fingers flexing compulsively around the chipped mug he held. Beside him, Remus sucked in a sharp breath. Romulus decided it would be wise to set his tea down on the table before he broke the mug  
“If he’s started asking for me again,” Romulus started, his normally mild voice turned dark with anger, “you tell him that if I ever hear from him again, I’ll -” Moody grimaced and cut his tirade short.  
“- Nothing so simple, I’m afraid. Black’s escaped.”

There was a moment of shocked silence. Then another. Then, a sound half-way between a laugh and a sob bubbled out of Romulus’s throat. He stood abruptly and made for the kitchen. He would not – could not – have this conversation. “Lupin!” Moody called after him. He stopped just inside the kitchen door, his breathing ragged and one hand scratching roughly at the scar tissue on his right shoulder. Romulus could hear his brother talking quietly to the two aurors, his raspy voice shaking just slightly.  
“Let him go,” Remus said. “He just needs a moment.” Romulus jerked and began to pointedly rummage through the cabinets above the mottled grey counters. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular, he just needed something to do with his hands. It was times like these, Romulus thought as he switched the kettle on again, that he really wished they kept something stronger than pumpkin juice in the house.

Eventually, Romulus felt calm enough to face the aurors sat in his living room. He sank back into the armchair beside Remus, placing a large cup of black coffee down on the table beside his cold tea. He raised his head and met Moody’s intense stare with great difficulty. “I’m assuming you want to question us then?” he asked.  
“Just you,” Moody grunted in return. “We questioned Remus while you were making coffee.” Romulus wrung his hands in his lap before nodding. Remus reached over and placed a trembling hand on his brother’s shoulder.  
“I’ll stay here,” he said. “If that’s what you want.” Romulus shook his head and smiled tightly.  
“Go on to bed, Remmy, you look like shit.” Remus scowled, but he didn’t comment on the nickname.  
“Yell if you need me, Rome.” In a fit of petulance that he would later blame on nerves, Romulus stuck his tongue out at his brother’s retreating back. When he returned his attention to the two aurors, Moody looked exasperated whilst Tonks had turned red in the face from trying to muffle her snickering – though she was quick to sober up, schooling her expression into one of cool professionalism. All at once, Romulus felt tired. He gestured for the aurors to begin their questions before retrieving his coffee and settling uneasily into his plush armchair.

Ten minutes later, Romulus was reduced to clutching his mug as though it were the only thing keeping him upright. The questions had not yet been as invasive as Romulus had feared they would be – really, they had been much worse when Black was first arrested – but they still made Romulus’ heart ache and his eyes burn. Even so, the next question ripped the air from his lungs.  
“Reports say that you were closer to Black than anyone else – even James,” Tonks said, her voice neutral and unjudgmental. “How would you describe your relationship with him?” Romulus had to look away. He stared into the fire for along moment, his eyes distant and weary, and then, finally, he spoke.  
“Sirius is the love of my life.” Tonks choked on her breath. “So, yes, you could say we were close.”  
“And now?” Moody prompted, his eyes darting around the room as though he expected Black to jump out at him. Romulus’ lips twisted into a melancholy smile and he looked into the fire to avoid the dumbfounded expression on Tonks' face. Merlin, he wanted a drink.  
“I still love him, even as I hate him for what he did.” Romulus whipped his head back around to meet the eyes of the aurors. “I _hate_ him. If I see him again, you'll only have pieces to feed to the dementors.” Tonks shuddered and her hair turned white. Moody leaned in and examined Romulus’ face closely, then his lips twisted in an imitation of a smile.  
“Good man,” he said. “We need you to take an Oath, just to confirm that you haven’t been helping him. For the paperwork.” Romulus nodded and drew his wand from where he had tucked in the sleeve of his shirt, holding it up beside his face.  
“I, Romulus Daniel Lupin, swear on my life and magic that I did not help Sirius Black during his escape from Azkaban, nor have I helped him since.” He lowered his wand slowly, the blue glow of the Oath fading from its tip, and quirked a brow at Moody. “Satisfied?” he asked. The aurors nodded and rose to stand. Romulus stood with them.  
“You’re both going back to Hogwarts in September, then?” Moody asked. Romulus hummed in agreement. “Good. It’s best if we can keep you all together. Let us know immediately if Black contacts either of you.” The two aurors moved as a unit towards the front door.  
“We’ll let ourselves out,” Tonks said quietly.  
As the door closed behind Tonks with a thud, Romulus sunk back into his armchair and rubbed a fist into his unseeing left eye. He couldn’t cope with this. It was too much. Hardly a month before, his pseudo-godson – because even if Harry didn’t know it, he always would be a part of the Lupin family – had almost gotten himself killed chasing after a _fucking_ _basilisk_ , of all things and Remus was so sick these days. And now – now Romulus was expected to just _cope_ with Sirius Black escaping prison. Merlin, he was going to go after Harry, wasn’t he? As if it wasn’t enough that Sirius had killed their best friends. Romulus’ chest felt tight and his eyes burned with the need to cry.  
“You should call Minerva.” Romulus jumped violently and whipped his head to the side. It was just Remus. His twin had dragged himself from his bed again and now stood beside Romulus’ chair, concern so prominent on his face that it made Romulus’ chest ache.  
“ _Fuck_ ,” he hissed. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.” Remus winced, evidently he hadn’t realised he was approaching on Romulus’ blind side. “What I need is to go to the pub,” Romulus said. He wanted a drink so desperately – he knew he shouldn’t, of course, but one drink couldn’t hurt and this of all occasions must be enough to call for one. Remus scoffed, the concern morphing into irritation.  
“Don’t be a prat. I’m going to call Minerva and _you_ are going to stay right where you are,” he ordered. Romulus hunched in on himself, curling his long legs up into the corner of his chair.  
“You don’t have to, Rem. I know the Floo makes you sick this time of the month.” Remus ignored him.

If Romulus were honest with himself, he knew it was a good idea for Minerva to come by. Remus was too sick to keep an eye on him and while this wasn’t the first time Romulus had been tempted to start drinking again, it was the first that he thought he actually might. So yes, he should have another friend around, if only to stop him from leaving the house, but by the time Minerva stepped through the floo, Romulus just felt angry and so, _so tired_. Despite this, when Minerva – Minerva who had watched him grow up, who had seen him at some of the lowest points of his life, Minerva who mothered him during the school year and made sure he ate three times a day - knelt down beside him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, Romulus began to cry. He collapsed into her hold and buried his face into her neck with great, heaving sobs that made his body shake and breath catch in his throat. And even though he was smearing snot and tears across her pretty, tartan shawl, Minerva simply held Romulus closer.

**Author's Note:**

> Please vote and comment with your opinions! Your ideas are always welcome :)


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